Unmalleable Breakfast

The icon of The Great American Wall Street Trader is routinely glorified, demonized, envied, castigated, heralded, and morally cast down. Journalistic tee-ball pieces detailing exorbitant year-end bonuses and the splurges of charity and luxury that ensue are becoming more commonplace as the 2008 political dissension of Wall Street vs. Main Street escalates. But how many of these angered Main Street Americans, who routinely elevate these stories to "Yahoo most emailed" status, really understand the capitalist combine that threshes seemingly random numbers into gold? Maybe if people realized how demanding these jobs REALLY were they'd be more lenient on what might only SEEM like oversized paydays. The note below, distributed by a senior Wall Street trader inside their institution during market hours, affords us a tiny glimpse into high level conversations taking place behind the gilded gates of a top tier investment bank. I challenge anyone to find an anecdote that more accurately summarizes the intellectual rigors that power our economy.

Real names and locations have been omitted.

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OKAY, HERE IS THE DEAL:

EVERY DAY JOHNNY OFFERSIDE ORDERS BREAKFAST FOR A COUPLE GUYS ON THE DESK. RIGHT NOW I AM ONE OF THOSE GUYS. I WOULD LIKE TO STOP RECIEVING MY BREAKFAST ORDER, BUT JOHNNY ALLOWS NO CHANGES TILL THE END OF THE YEAR. EITHER HE, OR THE DELI COULD NOT HANDLE EVEN THE MOST MINOR OF CHANGES. THAT SAID, I AM ALLOWED TO FIND A REPLACEMENT. THIS IS MY DAILY ORDER: EGG WHITES, BACON, WHEAT TOAST AND A BANANA. MY SHARE IS $20 A WEEK. IS ANYONE ON THE 5TH FLOOR, SOUTH SIDE OF 666 WALL STREET, INTERESTED IN TAKING MY SPOT? IT IS GOOD TILL THE END OF THE YEAR, AND I WILL SUBSIDIZE WITH A ONE TIME $20 CASH PAYMENT.

STEVE BIDDLEBACK
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