Velvet Rope Scars

The below note was written by a friend (who will remain anonymous) in response to a query for "upper crust" nightlife recommendations. A sad, hilarious, and telling commentary on a slice of New York nightlife written by one who isn't famous, connected, attractive, or female enough to wander carelessly through bouncer protected gates.

>>>>>>

K:

You may want to also forward this commentary to your friend.

These pearls of wisdom do not come from any innate hipness I possess, but from brute-force trial and error over the years in the NYC bar/lounge/club scene.

1) Unless you are going to a private party, very little is happening in NYC until **after** 11pm. Some of the hottest places don't even open up their doors until 11pm. Most places peak around 2:30am and tend to peter out by 3:30am. That being said, if you can get into a good place before 11pm it may make sense to just grab a few drinks in a relaxed setting (albeit devoid of girls) until it becomes more populated. This strategy will work at almost all places with the exception of the Rose Bar @ The Gramercy Park Hotel and other X-Level establishments where they will sweep out the Riff-Raff at 11pm.

2) Bottle Service: If it is within your budget this will work wonders in two dimensions: it will maker it infinitely easier to get into any of the hot places (especially as we may be on the precipice of a economic recession) AND more importantly it gives you a Home Base of Operations. This Home Base is very important for several reasons in that it enables you to have a secure seating area in the VIP area and serves as an attractive lure for a particular type of woman. The VIP is not Nirvana, it does not make you smarter, better looking or more witty. But it is less crowded place and extremely easy to invite people back there.

The bottle is approx $400 all-in per bottle of liquor (with tip and tax). That price will not change much from bar-to-bar. Having the table and bottle is the surest path to a fun-night (I know its unimaginative, but it works) and you can be creative with forming your own little party within a party. (ie you, your friends and 6 Norweigian Airline Stewardess, etc).

Most clubs have a minimum botle requirement for a group of people depnding on the guy/girl ratio.
Here are a few permutations of the bottle requirements for both an "A" level bar and a "B" level bar (with A being more popular). "X" level bars have been omitted.

Two guys
A-Level: 2 bottles
B-Level: 1 bottle

Two guys one girl
A-Level: 2 bottles
B-Level: 1 bottle

Three guys
A-Level: 2-3 bottles
B-Level: 1-2 bottles

Two guys Two girls
A-Level: 2 bottles
B-Level: 2 bottles

Two guys Three girls
A-Level: 2 bottles
B-Level: 2 bottles

Remember if you are buying bottles and inviting guests to your table, be sure to budget approx one extra bottle per every 3 people getting the table as the guests will certainly want a drink and it may take a few iterations to find the correct group of guests to stay for the duration.

Examples of A level clubs: Bungaloo 8, Marquee , Cain, Tenjune, Socialista
Examples of B level Clubs: Home, Guest House, PM